Robin Barker examines ways you can teach your child to look after
their personal safety and give them confidence to avoid danger.
In an effort to lower the incidence of death and damage caused by preventable childhood injuries and to protect children from harm from other people, child-safety education is a high priority for governments. This includes children’s personal safety and issues such as bullying and physical, sexual and emotional abuse.
Historically, the focus has been on the risks “strangers” pose. This is undoubtedly because of the abductions and assaults on children that come to our attention and are every parent’s nightmare. Such events are, however, uncommon, and perpetrators are often not strangers. More than 85 per cent of children are abused or abducted by someone they know well, or with whom they are at least familiar.
The term “stranger” is difficult for children to understand. They will often describe a “stranger” as ugly, scruffy or “funny looking”. In fact, child abusers/abductors are often pleasant-looking and seemingly harmless, who children feel comfortable with.
The “stranger danger” term becomes even more confusing because children can’t tell simply by looking at someone whether they are good or bad and whether their intentions are honourable or not. When children are told they should never talk to strangers, there’s also a risk of eliminating a key source of help should they find themselves in trouble.
What can we do?
Children need positive messages, not scary stories, about the world around them. They need to be taught safety skills that will build their self-esteem and confidence, and keep them from harm. They need to know who they can go to for help.
Babies, toddlers and pre-schoolers
- You (or your child’s carer) should always know where your child is and who she is with.
- Childcare centres and pre-school regulations require parents and parent-approved guardians to sign children’s names and arrival and departure times in a book when they are dropped off and picked up. Regulations also require strict policies in relation to adults other than parents collecting children from centres.
- Never leave your baby, toddler or pre-schooler in a car or in a stroller outside a shop.
- Start to teach your child his phone number and address at an early age. By three, he should know his own full name and his parents’ full names. By three-and-a-half, he should know his address and by four, his phone number as well (the landline one – most adults have trouble with their mobile numbers). Ask your child to repeat this information to you regularly.
- Three to four is a good age to start talking about “strangers”, at the same time as teaching your child how to keep himself safe and how to get help if
he needs to.
Understanding exactly what a stranger is
A stranger is anyone your child has not been introduced to by you or another
responsible adult, such asa grandparent or childcare worker – someone who your child knows.
It’s also crucial that you emphasise that he should never go anywhere with any adult unless you say it’s okay for them to do so. Make this rule an absolute.
If parents know where their children are at all times and if children know they
must get permission before going anywhere with anyone (whether they have met the person before or not), the risk of any harm coming to them is considerably reduced.
Five to adolescence
Generally, children are most intuitive when it comes to recognising potentially
dangerous situations, but they need guidance about what’s safe and what’s not, and how they can protect themselves.
Safety strategies that they develop with their parents’ help (role play is good)
will be easier for them to remember and follow in emergency situations.
Importantly, children need to know that the world is not
a scary place, that most adults are good people and that they’re able to go to their parents if they are worried or unsure about any situation they find themselves in.
Basic safety steps
- How to get help:
Teach your child that, in an emergency, it’s okay to ask strangers for help. The best people to go to are uniformed police or security officers, shopkeepers/assistants, people in information booths at malls or mothers with children. Emphasise that, while it’s okay for children to ask adults for help, it’s not okay for adults to ask children for help. Adults should ask adults for help, not children.
- Be assertive
Teach your child that he doesn’t have to be polite to an adult who is acting suspiciously – for example, trying to persuade him to get into a car, offering treats or to take him somewhere.
- Safe travel, safe play
Talk about the dangers of playing alone in deserted areas and avoiding alleys, parking lots and short-cuts. Identify where trusted adults live in your area – neighbours, shops, churches or homes with the Safety House sign.
- No – go – tell.
Teach your child that if he is asked by an adult to do something that seems wrong, she should yell, “No!”, then go immediately to a trusted adult and tell what happened.
At school
- Remind your child never to go out the school gates unless she is with a teacher she knows.
- If she is to be picked up by someone other than you, make sure it has been planned and that your child has been given permission by you to go with the adult concerned.
- The Protective Behaviours Program is a child-safety initiative used in schools around Australia. It’s part of the curriculum and is designed to give children skills and tools to deal with difficult situations, such as bullying, abuse at home or a stranger approaching them outside.
Using the internet
Internet safety is now a major concern, particularly the possibility of children being lured and groomed by paedophiles on the internet. Other safety issues include cyber-bullying, children posting unsuitable personal images and giving out identifiable information to strangers.
There’s a great deal of information about keeping families safe when using the internet, so the following is a beginning guide only. It was obtained from NetAlert Limited, Australia’s internet safety advisory body, a community organisation established by the federal government in 1999. Free services include a help line and internet-safety resources, such as a kit, DVDs, and booklets. Recently, NetAlert, Microsoft and the Virtual Global Taskforce announced a three-year school-visit program to deliver education and training to teachers, parents and students.
For more information on any aspect of safe internet use, phone NetAlert’s toll-free
helpline number, 1800 880 176. Its website is www.netalert.net.au, where, among the excellent advice, information and resources, you will find Netty’s World, a website designed for young children (aged two to seven) starting out on the internet.
Internet-safety checklist from NetAlert
- Talk to your family about the importance of staying safe online and the need to have an internet safety plan at home.
- Use a family-friendly service provider which will help you with internet safety.
- Keep the computer in a public area of the house so it’s easier for you to supervise.
- Make sure you have safety software installed on your computer. NetAlert can give you advice on what to choose.
- Discuss the benefits and risks of going online with your children and reassure them that you’re there to help if they get into trouble.
- Create an internet-safety contract with your children and set up house rules for internet use. NetAlert has samples to help you.
- Encourage and support your children with their use of the internet. Teach them to make the right decisions and increase their responsibility levels as they get older.
Robin Barker is the author of Baby Love, $35, and The Mighty Toddler, $35, both published by Pan Macmillan.
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