We've all been there: standing in the supermarket and some child (yes, it's been mine many times) starts the whine. It goes like this: "I want that lolly/toy/juice/packet of nuclear-strength sugared treats." Repeat a hundred times in escalating hysteria and an ear-piercing pitch.
Taking a stand
In my in-depth research on this, I can report that 97 times out of a hundred, the parent caves in and buys the child the object of their momentary obsession. All the while, I stand there watching the parent, inwardly wishing them to stand their ground.
I've even been known to go up and congratulate parents who have withstood the deluge of begging that a child has launched at them in a public place. Why? Because I'm on a private campaign to bring back the word "no".
I can't get no satisfaction
I once read an article that said that by the time a child is two they hear the word "no" about a hundred times a day. The author, rightly, pointed out that this is a huge amount of negativity and suggested other ways of diverting junior from whatever was consuming them at the time.
Distraction, bribery, reasoning, offering a better alternative were all offered as suitable ways of breaking the news that they couldn't do as they pleased. I agree with all of the above. If someone said "no" to me a hundred times a day, I'd probably want to go home and go to bed. But here's the thing: fundamentally, kids have to learn how to handle not being able to do whatever they want, whenever they want.
Tough love
They have to understand that they don't actually know everything and that a giant ice-cream, unlimited TV, fast-food takeaway and staying up extremely late every evening, is not Nirvana even if it looks that way.
Part of the learning curve is understanding that old people — us — do sometimes know more about stuff than just paying the bills and handing over cash. Children need to learn that boundaries are important, as is learning to live with disappointment. They also need to learn that these challenges build character and resilience and creativity, which are the tools for life that our kids really need.
No means, no!
It's not fashionable. We live in an instant-gratification culture. It's difficult to teach these things when the whole planet is going down the tubes because us grown-ups have wanted everything, "right now", for so long. We've got a lot of reality checks coming our way, too. And it's not popular.
You have to be able to withstand a lot of displeasure when you say "no" to an articulate pre-teen. But actually being able to take it on the chin is part of what being a parent is about.
The best things in life are …
Explaining to a child that they may have to go without, because money is a bit tight right now or because they don't need it, might bring up their resentment — especially if all their friends have one. But it also teaches them that life can be uneven and that the things that make a family happy, actually don't cost the earth.
Read more from Julie at her website Omigoddess
Your say: How do you get the 'no' message through to your child? Do you often give in? Share with us below...
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